Tape And Glue

•June 22, 2017 • Leave a Comment

You smile

Smile for the people

Tell them you’re fine

They don’t want to know the real answer

Hide yourself

Hide your pain

Don’t let them see

Tear at yourself

Drown your sorrows in the bottom of a bottle

Maybe two or three

Cut away the feelings

Slice away the pain

Release that which sustains you

Unlock that which binds you

That which keeps you here

Quietly slide away

Make your plans

Do your research

Write your letters

Make your excuses

Lay out your reasons

Try to assuage their guilt

Because the fight was lost

Long before it really began

The war takes its toll

The battles leave scars

And you have one too many

Aim for the Median Cubital

Let your sins run from you

Let the demons that plague you lap from the chalice of your soul

Make your plans

Bide your time

Soon you’ll be free

The Hunt

•June 22, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Running

Panicked from yourself

From the shadows that dog your every breath

They chase you down

Stalking you

Through the daylight hours

And the darkness

Your heart rate rises

Their breath upon your neck

Their hands upon you

The pain you feel inescapable

‘She can no longer go on bullshitting herself that she’s happy with her life. You either have to make the terrifying change that will alter your life in ways you cant imagine….’

‘Or’

‘You live out the rest of your days drowning in that familiar security. While at night your dreams are filled with the love you’ve never tasted.’

Alec Baldwin, Blind 2017

Stars Hollow

•June 22, 2017 • Leave a Comment

I long for Stars Hollow

Or The Institute

Or Hogwarts

Or The Enchanted Forest

Anywhere but here.

Anywhere away from the mundane life within which I am chained

Tethered by illness

Behind the bars of my life

Nothing is quite right

Nothing quite makes sense.

Balancing on the knife edge of my disease

Dreaming of another place

Another time

Different people

A life where I am who I want to be

A life where I mean something

Where I matter

Where it doesn’t hurt to breathe

Where it doesn’t feel like I’m being crushed by the weight of their desire

Their expectations

Somewhere quiet

Somewhere just for me

 

White Lace, Darker Things

•May 12, 2017 • Leave a Comment

As the night closes around her

She swims through her thoughts

Her head such a mess

She lights a candle 

And watches the flame dance 

Casting shadows which play with her

She finds no solace in the flickering light 

White Lace and Lillies 

The scent delicate 

The silk slides over her skin

Over her marked body

A roadmap of her pain

She finds comfort in the darkness

In the quiet she reflects

On her failures and at best

She amounts to nothing 

Nothing more than a waste 

Just like they said

All disappointed 

Expected so much more 

But she has nothing more to give 

So she lays down her head 

And wishes for the night to never end

The Light Falls Only Surface Deep

•April 7, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Nature is happy

The sun shining bright

The warmth beaming down

Like the mist falls at night

The sky a pure blue

Barely a cloud in sight

A breeze blows gently across the bustling streets

But she is a speck of dark in amongst the light

Her mind and thoughts darker than the darkest black hole

Her soul is broken and her will is quite

Destroyed by her life

Her health on all fronts

No one can save her not even her Knight

Waiting for death to creep up upon her

The pain is too much for her to bare

The sweet release is all she waits for

The peace she cannot find breathing

She knows will comes at the end

Thick

•November 11, 2016 • Leave a Comment

The blood runs thick and fast

Down her legs

And still she doesn’t feel a thing

Numbed to everything

She can barely breathe

She’s barely alive

It consumes her

Pulls her under

The red velvet traces patterns

Meandering across her porcelain skin

Gashes smile from her thighs

As the tears fall from her eyes

It’s hopeless

Nothing will help her escape the pain

Anxiety

•November 11, 2016 • Leave a Comment

That feeling of panic

When you look at your front door

And know you’re supposed to walk out through it

That tightening in your chest

When you see someone you don’t want to see

The irrational fear of everything

Of being abandoned

Of the judgement of strangers

Of your ‘friends’ hating you

The racing heartbeat

The panicked breathing

The shame of feeling these things

Of feeling incapable

When your hand starts to shake

When you start to lose control

Of your reactions

Of your body

Of your mind

Afraid of everything

Paralyzed by it all

And all you can do

Is try to steady your breathing

Try to take back the control

That this has ripped from you