I wanna sing, I wanna shout, I wanna scream till the words dry out.

I wanna sing, I wanna shout.
I wanna scream till the words dry out.
So put it in all of the papers, I’m not afraid.
They can read all about it, read all about it, oh.

Nothing to hide
Stife and I smother
Suffered and cried
Strife made me tougher
Never mumbled or shy
The trouble I rise above all
Expectations to get rep
Ain’t never begged yet
When I wanted to get pence, hustle,
To be, I’m exactly what my neck says.
That sket said I tried to cash in on my Dad’s death,
I wanted to vent ‘stead I said nothing at all.
After all you were never kin to me,
Family is something that you never been to me,
In fact making it harder for me to see my father was the only thing that
You ever did for me.

I wanna sing, I wanna shout.
I wanna scream till the words dry out.
So put it in all of the papers, I’m not afraid.
They can read all about it, read all about it, oh.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/p/professor+green/read+all+about+it_20982982.html ]
Dear dad,
As a kid I looked up to you,
Only thing was I never saw enough of you.
The last thing I said to you was I hated you,
I loved you and now it’s too late to say to you.
Just didn’t know what to do or how to deal with it,
Even now deep down I’m still livid.
To think, I used to blame me,
I wonder what I did to you to make you hate me.
I wasn’t even bad, life’s a journey and mine wasn’t an easy ride.
You never even got to see me rap,
I just wish you woulda reached out,
I wish you woulda been round when I been down.
I wish that you could see me now,
Wherever you are I really hope you found peace.
But know that if I ever have kids,
Unlike you I’ll never let them be without me.

I wanna sing, I wanna shout.
I wanna scream till the words dry out.
So put it in all of the papers, I’m not afraid.
They can read all about it, read all about it, oh.

I write songs I can’t listen to
Everything I have I give to you
In every one of these lines I sing to you.
My job’s more like public service
My life just became yours to read and interpret.
If you heard it will come across a lot different at times
I throw fits when I read how they word things.
You see me smile
Now you’re gonna have to see me hurt
Coz pretending everything is alright when it ain’t, really isn’t working.

I wanna sing, I wanna shout.
I wanna scream till the words dry out.
So put it in all of the papers, I’m not afraid.
They can read all about it, read all about it, oh.

I ain’t censoring myself for nobody
I’m the only thing I can be,
All that is good, all that is bad, all that is, me.

I wanna sing, I wanna shout.
I wanna scream till the words dry out.
So put it in all of the papers, I’m not afraid.
They can read all about it, read all about it, oh.

 

 

Another year has passed. Another year older. And yet I am nowhere. While there have been some advances (I no longer want to cry every time I think of my ex I only want him to die slowly somewhere far off away from me.) I have become completely unable to tell anyone what I want or how I feel. Upon reflection I believe I may have in my self centered ignorance have hurt some people who are very dear to me. And for that I can only apologise. They know who they are. I find myself not talking to these people because it’s hard to know what to say when all I want to scream is that I’m sorry I’m so wrapped up in myself and my problems that I’m a shit friend or that I really do mean what I said when I stammered out an invitation for a date. And now I can’t say anything because I fear I already unknowingly fucked the person in question over enough and I’m sure they have found someone much cooler. I am not where I thought I’d be but nor am I where I want to be. If I could just not be that would be great. But for now I can’t do that. So who knows what to do.

It’s my birthday today. I’ve organised to have a good night and day out with friends. But I don’t want to go. I want to lie here not move. Not do anything.

~ by misskrizzm on January 5, 2012.

2 Responses to “I wanna sing, I wanna shout, I wanna scream till the words dry out.”

  1. Oh Girl! I hope you feel better since you wrote this! Being 22 is HARD! Too many emotions and nowhere to put them…’cept maybe this blog!

  2. You have an amazing voice and your words really hit a personnel note with me…many thanks for sharing your amazing talent..x

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